Uncovering the 'Fantasy' Me - To Make Space For The 'Real' Me

"I need to use my stuff - and if I don't, it's a sign that I'm not really the person that I think I am."

from The Simple Dollar - The Challenge Of Getting Rid Of Stuff by Trent Hamm

I read the quote above recently and it got me thinking about what items I've been holding onto over the years and why that might be. Up until now I thought most of my clutter consisted of 

1. Tools and things I might need in the future
2. Unwanted gifts I don't know how to part with without hurting people's feelings
3. Paper, paper everywhere. From schools, bills, receipts, junk mail, it goes on and on
4. Hobbies and crafts supplies
5. Sentimental items
6. Furniture that doesn't suit our needs anymore
7. Clothing that doesn't fit or might fit later or is worn out

Just stuff that's collected over the years by itself that I haven't sorted out. 

I certainly never thought that I might purposely be keeping clutter for my fantasy identity. I didn't even realize I had a fantasy identity, but as it turns out, I do and obviously have had for a lot of years judging by the amount of things I kept for it.

For example in 2011 I made a list of goals I thought I might like to accomplish and one of those was "to become more self-sufficient and grow most of my own food." A worthy goal you might say. 

At the time I planted fruit trees in my back garden and planted pots of vegetables and herbs on my front deck. The trees did okay but I have black thumbs and the pot plants died, well, all apart from the parsley which the dog ate. Who knew dogs like parsley? 

Anyway, gardening didn't take well then and after watching the cat pee all over the spinach that put me off growing vegetables again but I still thought of myself as becoming a self-sufficient home gardener someday and I kept a lot of plant books to feed that fantasy. 

Another fantasy linked with the gardening one is that one day we'd own our own lifestyle block with chickens and maybe a couple of cows or sheep. Generating our own power and with our own water source. I'd kept home farming magazines and books for this one. The thing is, after my husband ended up in hospital for a week with bad cellulitis in his leg from a spider bite, I realized that I don't want to live out in the country with no public transport to get to the hospital (I don't drive) and far away from family and friends. I like being able to walk to places in town, I like being close to family and friends. I get hay fever every year and it's exacerbated by the grass seed in the fields. I know that I'm always sneezing worse when I'm in the country, talk about a fantasy life! I don't eat meat so what do I need the sheep and cows for? I do like chickens and I could keep a few here in town but really, I know that I'm not really that interested and probably never will. So why keep books on animal husbandry and permaculture?

The same goes for my landscape design books. I took a course to help me plan out our previous garden. I don't regret it for a minute and will use the skills I learned to plan the landscaping of our new entertainment area and garden but I don't need lots of books on the subject. I'm not going to make a career out of this so if I need to know something I can either google it or borrow a book from the library. 

The same goes for scrap-booking. Fantasy me says I'm going to make this page and that page. I've collected paper and stamps and other things for this over the years but when I sit down to do it, meh. I have no real interest in this at all. Only fantasy me does. 

I'm sure there are other areas in my life that are also affected by fantasy me like the cake decorator me that hates baking but has the cake making/decorating equipment and the fantasy sewing me that owns a half share in a sewing machine but has never used it. Why? Because it doesn't really interest me. I'm not sure I can even really remember when it did. 

I'm never going to be a self-sufficient farmer type, landscape designing, scrap-booking, sewing and cake baking/decorating mum but that's okay. The real me has lots of real things going on. It's taken me a long time to find and acknowledge fantasy me but I think that once I remove all of her clutter I'll be able to clearly see what the real me enjoys doing in life and I might even have the space and time to find new things to try.

Good Intentions

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Have you ever noticed that when you are sure about something and make a statement about it, for example "Hopefully this will be the start of weekly posting from now on" that life has a way of making a liar out of you? It did for me lol. My last blog post was in July. I got as far as painting the boys birthday cards that I had drawn and then went down with a nasty case of flu. I spent a miserable week moping around the house and then another two weeks stuffed up with a head cold before it hit me with it's final blow and gave me a sinus infection. It's been a really nasty flu this year, everyone that I know that's had it, has had it for weeks with it morphing into various forms before they have finally gotten rid of it. Autumn and winter are usually my favorite seasons but this year I welcomed spring very gladly. Anyway, I'm back again and I'm going to post on here anytime I feel like it :D That should fix the life making a liar out of me problem lol.

The image above was painted today in my new Stillman and Birn Zeta sketchbook. I've never tried one of their books before but I love this one! I ordered it months ago and had to wait because the Zeta wasn't available here in New Zealand yet. It was well worth the wait. I love the smoothness of the paper for my pen work and the pen didn't bleed on the paper when I wrote, like it has in some other books. The paper didn't warp or buckle at all no matter how wet it got from the paints either. I think I have a new favorite journal. However, they don't make this journal in the 4" x 6" size that I prefer for my go everywhere pocket book so I think that when my small journal is finished I'll try the Stillman and Birn Alpha series out. I can't wait!

Speaking of my small journal, I've been working in it a lot while I've been sick but at the moment there's more writing than images in it. I had a couple of break through moments in this journal during my illness though. The image below was one of them. 

I realized that I wasn't anymore productive in my new large work space than I was before I got it. In fact I was probably less so. My huge desk seemed to be a clutter magnet and I had taken over way too much of the lounge. I also found that it made my art space very business like and I really needed it to be more fun and inspiring. Great for business type things but not so good for getting my mind into the creative play zone I need to draw and paint. I did learn that I prefer an "L-shaped" work space so I traded my large desk for a couple of smaller ones. Luckily I'd bought cheap 2nd hand so I didn't lose out on the deal. I've also worked out what work zones I need and what works for me. 

Work zone 1

My main work area. This is a 4' by 2' (1.2m x .6m) desk no higher than 29" (.73m) high so that I can use my angled work surface on the top for my watercolor paintings on flat sheets of paper. I work flat on the table top in my journals. For larger acrylic paintings I can use a table easel on the top. I have this situated at right angles to a window so that I have good light. I also have my paints and brushes etc on a shelf near by in work zone 3.

Work zone 2

My computer area. This forms the other half of my "L-shaped" work space. I pay the bills here, blog, photoshop, scan paintings etc from this desk. I have a shelf underneath to file things straight away, this helps to keep the clutter from this area from overflowing into my art space but ensures that I can find anything at a moments notice. This area also houses my scanner and graphics tablet on a wheeled trolley that My husband built for me. The desk is against the wall to cut down screen glare. The only thing here that doesn't really work for me is my chair, I really need to replace it. 

Work zone 3

My storage/thinking/relaxing zone. This area has a large cubby type bookcase where I store all my paints, brushes, art books, camera gear, spare canvases, craft supplies and finished works and journals. This is situated just a scoot on my wheeled office chair away from my other work spaces. Because I work in a space between the dining/kitchen and lounge rooms I have easy access to hot drinks or cold and a comfortable seating area to sit in while I sketch out plans or read through my art books. It's my storage/work and relaxation space. If I really want to chill out I can watch my tropical fish from this area.

That's my three work zones and they seem to be functioning a lot better now and I have the added bonus of more lounge space when family and friends come over.

Hope you all have a great week :)

How do you work?

"The reason that art (writing, engaging, and all of it) is valuable is precisely why I can't tell you how to do it. If there were a map, there'd be no art, because art is the act of navigating without a map." - Seth Godin

Today I thought I would blog about how I get a sketch ready to paint. I'm always curious about other artist's workflows and I would love to hear how you work too. Feel free to leave a comment here.

I have two ways of working when I sketch.

If the sketch itself is the focus I tend to focus on the detail. I draw out my rough sketch first and then refine the shapes and add the details as I go. Shading and crosshatching to bring out the form. All the drawing is my own work with no shortcuts.

However;

            

If the painting is my main focus I only draw in an outline of the basic subject and paint in the detail as I go. If it is a landscape I may even just start straight into the painting and just roughly guess the scale as I paint. But if the painting is of something detailed that really needs to be in proportion I might even go as far as to trace an outline of the subject from my photograph just to get it done quicker because the sketch itself was never the focus of the work. (I'm even more likely to do this if I've already painted a small scale version and just want to quickly start on the full size piece. It's sheer laziness really but I drew it once already so why do I have to start from scratch again? I learned to work this way at school.)

I know this may sound like cheating and I guess it is in a way, but I know plenty of other painters that work this way. Some absolutely hate to draw or can't draw and the painting is the art for them. Some even project their image outline onto their canvas using projectors, or print it out and trace an outline onto the canvas that way instead. I can understand people working on huge over-sized pieces working with a projection, you'd spend a lot of time running backwards and forwards checking your scale and proportions otherwise. 

Below is an example of an outline that I would use to paint from. It's darker than I would usually draw it so that it would show up here. Just before I painted it I erased the pencil down to just a light marking, how I would usually have it marked out. The image above is of the finished bird.

As you can see it's just an outline of the bird's shape. A lot tidier than it would usually look because I darkened up the outline and you can't really see the other rough wobbly lines. I work on all the birds the same way regardless of colorings or markings on them. The details I just paint in as I go.

Something else I do is, when I'm working with watercolor paint I mix up all the colors I want to work with before I start to paint. When I'm working with acrylics I mix as I go.

So, how do you work when you're setting up a painting? Do you have any tips or shortcuts you would like to share here? I look forward to hearing from you.

Have a great week :)

I've found the answer!

The important thing about a problem is not it's solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution - Seneca

Last time I blogged I was testing out using acrylic paints as watercolors. I'd finished two paintings and although I felt that the finished product was okay I still had an irritating feeling about using acrylics this way. I decided to continue with the experiment to see if I could figure out what it was that I didn't like.

Today I painted three more bird pictures, shown here, using acrylics as watercolors and I think I've figured out what it was that I didn't like compared to real watercolors. It's the finished colors or perhaps more correctly their luminosity or lack of it. The watered down acrylics seem flatter and duller somehow even though the colors used are the same. I'm not talking about the finish, they are both a matt finish. It's more that the colors are somehow less luminous, they have less life in them than the watercolors do. 

Just to make sure that I'm not imagining it I'm going to paint the next couple of birds using the real watercolors and compare the results again. If I'm right I guess I'll have to stop being a scrooge and buy some more watercolor paints ;)

I've also just noticed that the shapes of the birds on the next page are showing through on these scans. One of the pitfalls of working in a book and not scanning each image as I finish it I guess. Note to self, put blank sheets of paper behind the images before I scan them or scan each image before I start the next one.

I'm not too happy with the owl anyway, it's having a bad hair day lol. I suppose that not everything is going to work out how I envision it and I'd better get used to it. On the plus side I discovered that peppy music gets me singing and working quite productively. I guess music and it's effect on my work is something else I should explore a bit more. Perhaps it may help me get in the mood when I really don't feel like painting.

Please let me know if you've discovered something similar with the luminosity of watercolors vs acrylics watered down.

Have a great week! :)

Using acrylics as watercolors

Acrylic is the only painting medium that can be all mediums - it can act like watercolor, it can act like oils, and it has it's own innate properties - Andrew Hamilton

Recently I've been experimenting with using acrylic paints as watercolors mainly because I have lots of acrylic paint lying around and I haven't got much watercolor paint left. The results have been quite interesting.

I first tried mixing up a few test paints to see how well they would flow and whether the colors would change when they dried. The test was done on a scrap of watercolor paper and was just some rough markings and a few test patches to try blending the colors. The first paint I mixed up had bubbles in it which I didn't think much about until I actually painted the bubbles onto the paper and they dried as bubbly marks. That was unexpected and I'm not sure why there were bubbles at all, I guess acrylics need more mixing in the water than the watercolor paint and this causes the bubbles.

I found the acrylic paint stayed very vibrant when watered down and I didn't notice much of a color shift when they dried either.

For some reason though, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, I prefer using the watercolor paint.The two paintings done here were both done using watered down acrylics and I'm happy enough with the results, but I just have this niggling feeling that I would have made a better job using watercolor.

I've decided to keep using the acrylics for now though. I want to explore layering washes more and I'm hoping that whatever it is that I don't like about using the acrylics this way will become clearer with more practice.

On a positive note, I bought some .1 sized pens and I'm very happy with how fine they are compared to the .4 that I used on the Thrush and Kingfisher.

Have a great week! :)

Watercolor experiment part 2

All art is but imitation of nature.

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Since yesterday's watercolor experiment worked out better than I'd hoped I decided to retry an earlier attempt at painting a kingfisher. The photo above is used with the permission of my Mum. Thanks Mum :)

The image below was painted the day I bought my first set of tube watercolor paints, on the 2nd of May this year. I didn't water them down enough and tried to use them like acrylics, rather unsuccessfully.

I wasn't very happy with the results from my first attempt but I figured it was a first attempt after all. So we learn and move on.

This was today's result without any pen detail. (above)

This is today's result after the pen detail was added. (below)

I still think the pen is way too thick, I'll have to buy a .1 or .2 pen sooner than I planned but I definitely think the second painting is a vast improvement on the first though I'm glad I took a scan copy before I added the ink. I forgot to do that on the thrush yesterday.

So what do you think?